Free Me

I still remember when I was small; probably before 4th standard I could speak properly, but at 4th standard Stammering took a troll over me. I can still feel those tingling nervousness and frustrations that ran all over my body. I don’t know how it started all of a sudden.

I could neither read nor answer properly, when teacher asked me to. It was so difficult to wish near and dear ones when they pass by. When someone laughed when I stammered I joint them..LOL. I was having trouble but that was funny. Talking to girls NO….not at all a preferred thing. However, when practice something by reading repeatedly; I could deliver without any problem. I felt strange and good as I could take part in stage performances.

Once I went to buy Amul Milk powder, I went to the shop, stood in front of the shopkeeper ..opened my mouth, rolled my tongue..shaked my head a bit ... to say “Amul”. "Shit !" I came out, red face. I could not say. Finally I got it bought by a friend.

My inability to express myself when I needed to was killing a personality within me. A constant feeling of inability on my part, a knowledge of being less whole than those about me. Probably you may imagine me as an item for fun and mockery. But I was lucky that I had a surrounding who were all set to help me out, though there were some odds.

Now, when I remember my gone days, I have so many funny stories about myself because of stammering. Once it happened, I went to call my uncle; he was putting new paint on the wall. He was turning his face to the wall; I went little near behind him; tried to say “uncle”. I tried with all my effort …but only “ssss…..sssss” …” ssss…..sssss …ssss”.

My uncle, unaware I was standing behind him was frightened, terrified with strangely unusual feeling, “WHAT! WHAT THE $%&%@#… !”
The paintbrush slipped from his hand and looked at me with fully scared eyes.
“WHAT THE HELL!…..., KORAU! YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!
Then we broke out laughing